I’m now taking a more persistent, devoted approach to mind training. There is so much time to sit and meditate or do inspired activities that I’ve made it through two days without going insane. The ego will ask questions like “what are you doing here, this is a waste of time, you’re weak and vulnerable and aren’t doing this right. And I’ll say one thing about removing all distractions from mind training, it does tend to bring up doubts and fears incredibly fast. But then I sink beneath these doubts and realize that there is no “me” “doing” anything “here,” what is time to eternity anyway and it is only my body and personality-self that is weak, while the mind that I am is so incredibly strong. And then my glimpse of right-mindedness ends and I’m back to the fear and doubt. But, you know… that’s part of becoming more consistent in right-mindedness. Undoing the doer, undoing the self-concept, undoing beliefs in time… It really is a lot of undoing! Truth is true, and it would be a strange sort of truth indeed if I had to go searching for it. The truth cannot be searched for, but one can search for blocks in awareness of truth’s presence.
The other people here are very helpful in raising these blocks to the truth. Two tenets which facilitate the dissolution of these blocks are no people pleasing, and no private thoughts. How often have you walked on eggshells in order to smooth things over? How often do you have a thought that you do not share because you are fearful you will be judged? There is incredible potential for healing in sharing absolutely everything on one’s mind when the shared purpose is consistent peace. What is shared is shared for the whole group. The personality self that is sharing is releasing a block in love’s awareness through the sharing. Other people may be able to stay in right-mindedness to hold a space of love while the sharing is occurring. By so doing, I see that there is no thought that could cause another pain when he is in his right mind. Therefore, there need be no hesitation to share the thought because either we help ourselves see that what we were afraid to share is simply nothingness, or we help others see that they have an attachment that they can release. In this way, sharing always results in healing the one mind that is behind all seeming personality selves. And when the clarity process is applied to everything, when we don’t try to fix people or situations and simply either radiate love or become aware of blocks to radiating this love in response to the sharing, you start to get a sense that attack is impossible. It was a mistaken belief that there could be both attack and love, because what is all encompassing can have no opposite. Through this process, attack is translated into a call for love. And if you live in a world where everything that happens is either love or a call for love, peace will become consistent. This is the purpose of no private thoughts and no people pleasing.
So I’m floating along, becoming aware of how much anger and guilt is still trapped in this mind, but that would be part of the process of expressing myself authentically every minute of every day. And sure living in a house with six people doing this lends itself to moments of brutal honesty, but it also lends itself to giving up on the church service halfway through in favor of an impromptu dance party. And if brutal honesty is the “price” I must pay for impromptu dance parties, I’m fine with mixing my peas with my porridge, as long as both peas and porridge seem real to me.
With Love, Zach